The Big V and my top 10 thoughts about getting one

When I was growing up, there was a pharmacy chain that operated in southwestern Ontario called “Big V“. Back then, the “V” in Big V referred to “value”.

These days, as my hair takes on a silver tinge and I approach 47 years of life, the Big V has taken on a whole other meaning.

I’ve been putting off getting a male tubal ligation (hereafter referred to as the “procedure”) for several years now, but I’ve finally come around. (No pun intended.) The time has come. (OK, I’ll stop using that word.)

But it is such a complicated issue. There is such a swirl of conflicting rational and irrational ideas, that I feel compelled to write about it. On my blog. In the form of a top 10 list.

So, here are the top 10 considerations (3 of them are really the same – but its an important one) I could come up with for why I really don’t relish the idea of getting the Big V but will do it anyway:

  1. I don’t mind trimming and keeping it tidy down there, but I’m not enthusiastic about the whole clean shaving thing.
  2. What if it affects my performance?
  3. As an ice-breaker, the doc doing the procedure at the pre-op consultation opened the door, walked into the examination room and announced: “So, we’re here to get your balls cut off, eh?”
  4. No one mentioned anything to me about the scalpel-less procedure involving a very large needle.
  5. Cutting seems so primitive. Isn’t there a medication for this yet?
  6. What happens if I change my mind?
  7. What do you mean it takes three months to verify that it worked?
  8. So I can go and get the procedure done and we could still be looking at 20 more years of child-rearing?
  9. No really, what if it does affect my performance?
  10. We’ve been having sex and dodging bullets for years and we’re not gettin’ any younger. Don’t you think we have time on our side?
  11. I’ve always taken a non-interventionist approach to my personal biology – unless necessary. Is this necessary?
  12. Women have historically bourn the brunt of managing fertility and as a contemporary feminist man I realize I need to do my part, but can’t you just go back on the pill for a little while longer? Please?
  13. How about this – what if it affects her enjoyment of my performance?

So, if you or someone you know is thinking about this procedure, whatever you do, DO NOT search Google images for the keyword “vasectomy”. (You’ve been warned.)

7 thoughts on “The Big V and my top 10 thoughts about getting one”

  • You boys and your precious testicles! I remember someone (who shall remain nameless) quoting an obscure study linking vasectomies with an increased risk of testicular cancer. You know what eliminates the risk of testicular cancer, Jay? Castration, that’s what. You need to march your delicate boys into your doctor’s office, buy yourself a bag of frozen corn and thank your wife for not doing it while you were sleeping.

    (Sorry you asked?) 🙂

  • I can only comment on the “we’ve been dodging bullets for years….” thing – I don’t think starting over again with infants is something to you want to do involuntarily – it’s hard enough for the people I know who did it on purpose! Oh – and the “non-interventionist approach to your personal biology” – you know you’ve only been able to do so because of your partner’s interventionist approach….

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